This is me. I’m about 16 in this picture and I weighed over 300 pounds. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see a person who was unhealthy. I saw someone who was misunderstood.
A bad prom experience, finally reaching “dating age” in our house and the desire to win the heart of Leonardo DiCaprio (or some other suitable hunk), and wanting to be able to go shopping for clothes in stores meant for my age, rather than my mom or grandma’s woke me up to the reality of what my weight was doing to my life.
I joined Weight Watchers and lost a shit ton of weight. Over 135 pounds (at my smallest). I was determined to grace the cover of Weight Watchers Magazine and begin my speaking tour around the world.
I was fooling everyone, including myself.
Sure, I lost the weight. But it wasn’t just “eating less and moving more.” It became another game of manipulation- starvation, excessive cardio, bingeing… no one knew. And that became my power.
Now my power is being honest. Sharing my story. Helping others fight their inner demons and get to a place where there is peace with food.
I’m not even close to where I once was in my body size, but I love food and desire to live a life where I’m no longer giving up experiences and memories for fear or rigidity with food and exercise.
Accepting that diet won’t ever work permanently.
Loving and living in the body that I have now rather than the one I fantasize about.