THEN I’ll be Worthy
I need to lose the weight…
I need to find someone who loves me…
I need to graduate from college. With honors…
I need to have a baby.
I need to… I need to… I need to….
_____(insert what I think I’m missing)_____
And then when I get there?
How is life different?
Then, and ONLY then, I’ll be Worthy. Right?
One time the question was posed: “When you hit your goal weight, then what?”
It kinda stopped me dead in my tracks and flooded my brain with memories from when I hit my goal weight with Weight Watchers. What the inquisitor wanted to accomplished came across loud and clear- I still felt… the same. (Well, I probably felt even more anxiety because there was unnecessary, self-induced stress put on me to stay little.) But I hadn’t done any of the work in my heart and my brain so nothing else changed. I looked in the mirror and saw a “fat cow” at 300 pounds and at 155 pounds, the smallest I ever made my body become.
So… guess what? I hit my goal weight. I sailed past it and did even “better.” And I still NEVER believed I was worthy. I still looked to others to find my self-worth. I hid behind popcorn bowls and plates of lettuce and food rules and so many hours of crazy cardio.
One of the biggest life lessons that I’ve gained from my journey is that you have to love yourself right now. Right where you’re at. Even if that sounds completely crazy and impossible.
Because even when I was at my smallest, I still wanted smaller.
And even when I found a husband, I still felt lonely sometimes.
And even when I walked across the stage to get my podium, I still felt lost and purposeless.
And even when my child took her first breath here on Earth, I still felt incomplete (and SO hungry).
It never gets easier. It’s just a new chapter. A new challenge. Sure, your body might change, you might love the wrong person or drop out of college, etc… but chalk those up to lessons and move on.
And unleash the power from Self Love that’s ready to Rock your World.