After a Binge: A Conversation with Myself
I’m not going to get mad this time.
Let’s just… let’s just talk about this.
Your stomach hurts. Your head hurts. Your eyes even hurt.
Last night was hard.
Emotions took over.
You went numb. Blacked out.
Did you even taste the food you consumed?
“At first, yes. I can’t even tell you what I was eating at the end, though.”
How did this happen? Again. How did this happen again? You promised yourself it wouldn’t happen anymore. You were done with it.
“I don’t even know. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what happened. I feel awful.”
Tomorrow we will do better, right?
“Yes. Even though we said that last week. And last month. And last year. I mean it this time.”
No crazy workout this time. Promise? All we do is hurt when we exercise from a place of hate.
“I know, but…”
No buts. Let’s break that cycle- then one where you binge, exercise like crazy to make it better, starve all day, and then end up binging at night. Somewhere, something HAS to stop. Let’s start with the exercise.
“But I need to move. I feel so gross.”
OK. Fine. Move. Lovingly. Slowly. Mindfully.
And meals. You need to eat, you know. Starving yourself all day leads to binging. We know this.
“But I’m not hungry.”
YES YOU ARE. You are lying even to yourself and you know it. Last night is over. Today starts with a good, healthy breakfast. Love yourself enough to make it and eat it. One step in the right direction. One step at a time.
“OK. Fine. You’re right. I am hungry. And I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’m.so.tired.”
I know. I know. You know what though?
I’m really proud of you. You’ve been like this for so long. It’s scary to try new things and change your life. But you won’t regret this. I promise.
“Yes. I know. Little by little, we’ll get there.”